Saturday, January 19, 2013

Looks Fade

There's a scene in one of my all time favorite shows Archer, where two characters are chatting it out walking to their place of employ, which happens to be a spy agency.  If you know anything about the show, you already know that last bit, as well as the fact that being secret agents has very little to actually do with the show.  The premise is really just a hilarious take on the idea that office life and workplace social structures are the same no matter where you go; even for spies.  So most of the dialogue is an amazingly laughable hyperbolic take on office relationships and more.  With a heavy helping of violence for flavor.  Needless to say it's a strictly "adult" demographic.  In this scene (above) the two characters (that don't even really like each other much) are talking about Pam's (the blond on the right) experiences from the night before.  Namely recapping the tale of a one night stand.  She had thought the date was going great until the guy seemed to be kicking her out before his roommates got home.

Pam: And then he was like—
Cheryl: "You're a moped."
Pam: How'd you know? ...  And what's it mean, anyway?
Cheryl: Mopeds are fun but you don't want your buddies to see you riding one.
Pam: Oh... I thought he meant I was fuel efficient. Only had ten beers.
Cheryl: Forties?
Pam: No... .... ....  yes. Hence the shandy!

If you watch the show often enough you will know that Pam, despite constant running jokes about her physical less-than-attractiveness, the real punch line is in the fact that she actually gets more action than ANY other character on the show.  But that is really beside the point.

In recent days, I have been made to feel this way (like a moped) by someone.  Like I was something to be ashamed of being seen with.  Whether those were my own insecurities surfacing or not, I can't really give a solid answer.  But if I had to guess...  I would have to say, not likely.  I've never felt that way with anyone before, and I've learned to trust my initial instincts on such things.  And I'm sorry, I may have a little extra padding here and there, but I don't feel I'm unattractive by any means.  I really can't say what it was, specifically about this person that made me feel this way...  maybe it was every time he had the choice of sitting near me or someone else while in public he would choose someone else.  Or maybe the way he acted completely different in private to me than he did in public in general.  Whatever the reason, it was a deal breaker, as it should be.  Because, I'm sorry to say, if you can't get over the way a person looks or be secure enough to stand up to your friends' judgments by proxy.....  You aren't worthy of that person.

I've never understood this perspective.  Yes, I do agree that attraction is important.  (But that wasn't the issue anyway.  The issue was acting as if being attracted to me was something to be kept secret or ashamed of.)  Too often I've seen situations where people seem to be rudely shocked by the concept of "looks fade."  So where I do agree that attraction is important, there is more to base attraction off of than simply the superficial.  Being Sapio-sexual (I'm attracted to intelligence first and foremost,) I can tell you there is a vast world beyond how flat your belly is, or muscular your arms are.

Now, I've been on the receiving end of some pretty harsh criticisms for dating a person of "lesser-attraction" myself.  And maybe that's why it bugs me so.  I'm the type of person to stand up for the one I'm with.  And I can honestly say that everyone that has ever criticized what a person I'm with looks like on the outside, I am no longer friends with now.  Anyone that has ever uttered the phrase "what does she see in him," because a guy was a little too short, or fat, or furry, by their superficial standards, was shown the door.  I have no room in my life for such judgmental people.  Nor will I allow myself to be judged for not following the crowd and refusing to be so superficial myself.

I know this is really pointless blabbering at this point.  But still, I have to vent.  I would love to see people get over it.  And this is just my simple plea to the masses, as if you've never heard it before, to please stop this behavior.  Don't criticize who a friend or family member is dating,  And don't be ashamed to be seen with someone thinking others are going to criticize.  And if by some horrible chance, you DO run into such criticisms for dating someone yourself....  PLEASE for the love of the gods, stand up for your partner and yourself by proxy.  Stick to your choices.  Show the world a little backbone.  Or move along so someone else can have the prize you're clearly taking for granted.

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