Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Lost: One mind....

I had an unexpectedly good day yesterday.  I got a forty dollar refund.  I ended up ahead of schedule on one assignment.  I had food in my stomach.  I finally found the time to not only schedule the doctor appointment, but found my schedule next week will accommodate the actual appointment itself.  I even had a *gasp* semi pleasant conversation with my mother.  So why am I up at 4 in the morning writing this?

…….I know I bitch a bit.  And I’m sure that translates to a “Crying wolf” opinion of me at times.  I’m okay with that for now.  I can’t help if I’m vocal and need to vent, though frustrated at times if that venting is failed to be taken the slightest bit seriously.  There are times I feel a bit bi-polar with voicing the good and bad, because I can be rather passionate about both.  For example: today was a good day.  A series of small wins, that I’m sure plenty would take as, “wow she must be leading a very good life right now.”  And tomorrow’s status updates may read to the contrary, and have my followers thinking, WTF happened?

There are some problems here.  More than a few.  Take my relationship with my mother.  It’s not always been a pleasant one.  …rarely been a pleasant one.  About a month ago, I was informed that there is a (very small) chance that I may have cervical cancer.  But enough of a concern to start referrals to specialists and start further testing.  That’s fine.  I’m too overwhelmed with other things to really process that.  Or at least I was, until a conversation with my mother that ended in her saying, “well you didn’t want kids anyway.”   ……um…  Don’t really have a response for that.  Or a good reason for the baby outfits I have stored up in boxes in a closet for “someday” if that's the case.... 

Okay…  so, this leads to my next current “issue.”  Work.  When transferring to this location, I was supposed to be part time, roughly 24 hours a week.  They began scheduling me 5 days a week roughly 28 to 32 hours, and made a comment on hiring additional help of, “I don’t think we need another fulltime position.  Maybe just a part time.”  To which I can agree, IF….  It wasn’t for the next statement.  I tried to talk to them about my schedule.  I am working 5 days a week, have school two of those nights, and school all day the other two days a week.  Remember what I said about needing further testing and doctor appointments?  And when am I going to squeeze that in?

I tried to explain this to work but before I could explain my reasons WHY I could only work 4 days a week instead of five.  He explained that they can't afford to cut my hours, that they need me to be there.  ...but...  you just said we're slow enough that we don't need to hire a full time position and only a part time...  ...oh.  Enter angry Aimee.  I got the additional response of “Well, you aren’t going to get any sympathy from me, because I went to school and worked at the same time.”  

  • ·         Is that why you still have a job that requires you to wear a plastic name tag?
  • ·         Awww… that’s so cute.  Did you get gold stars and everything?
  • ·         And were you a divorced 30 year old woman trying to support herself without outside help or support?
  • ·         Are you implying I’m a lesser person than you for recognizing and accepting my limits?
  • ·         You’re welcome, for training your staff and carrying all of the work for my section of the department since the grand opening.

But instead, I composed myself and told him WHY I needed the one day off from both school and work per week.  (though I really didn’t want to have to tell my MALE boss that I may have cervical cancer.)

He accepted my request and claimed that he would try to accommodate my schedule request, but continued to give me gruff about needing off for an upcoming school function as I was 2 days past deadline for requesting it off (but still roughly three weeks prior to the function) and, “weekends are really hard to give (me) off because the other cake decorator needs every Saturday morning off.”  …I’ve heard this rant before.  So… you hired someone for cakes, that can’t work on the busiest day of the week and expect me to be there EVERY Saturday alone?  What makes my education a lower priority than her church activities?  Don’t misunderstand.  I’m happy this person is active in their church…  but why do I have to sacrifice for it.  That was the COMPANY’S decision.  NOT mine.

So let’s fast forward.  I have an upcoming day that I’ve been very much looking forward to.  A proverbial light at the end of my stressful tunnel, if you will.  A mini vacation.  A way of celebrating after finals, and a break from this hectic schedule that has me SO stressed and overwrought that I have experienced actual hallucinations for lack of sleep, and odd memory lapses, where I’ve done things and don’t remember doing them.  …at all.  Like writing on friends’ facebook walls, or buying food/things I don’t remember.  Or asking someone to do a project with me for school…  I really feel like I’ve lost my mind.  The hallucinations, I didn’t mind.  Sure, it was an annoyance when I kept trying to reach for the glass of water on my desk that didn’t exist…  but a new and intriguing/fun experience.  Not remembering full conversations or missing an hour from my recollection?  Not so fun.  Just scary.  But in a couple of weeks the semester will be done, and it will be Christmas.  The point at which all the students leave, and the town will get quiet, work will be slow, no more assignments…  a vacation in itself, and the perfect time for me to take a day to myself.  That light at the end of the tunnel.  …Or so I thought.

I put the date in for December 26th.  The day after Christmas.  A Monday.  So let me recap.  That means Christmas Eve lands on a Saturday.  Remember what I said about Saturdays?  I will be handling Christmas Eve alone.  We’re only open a half day, more or less, and it would be pointless to have the other decorator come in after her church stuffs.  But I don’t mind.  Until they denied my vacation time for the day after Christmas.  I can work Christmas eve, by myself, rushing to get all of the holiday orders completed, but the other cake decorator can’t handle the day AFTER the holiday?  Compile this on top of my other frustrations, and the fact that I already paid for the hotel…  I’m not a happy camper.  I REALLY needed this bit of hope to carry me through this rough patch.

So.  Today at work, I will be making it clear to them that they can either lose me for the one day, or they can lose me for the entire week.  I have had enough, and will quit, leaving them dry for the duration.  Their choice.

So, with all that said…  if you could please click on a sponsor, just to the side of the screen there….  Yup that’s it.  Every four clicks earns me about a dollar.  (You don’t have to sign up for anything.  Just close the sponsor ads after they pop up.)  And don’t “over click.”  They track for “scamming.”  Just a few clicks each visit will do.  But it REALLY does help me out.  With enough clicks, I can quit, concentrate on school and my writing, and maybe start enjoying my time here.  Thanks in advance.  Wish me luck.

PS... I promise to explain more of my class experiences later this week.  Including events such as, girls taking pictures of my underwear, and if grades were stars, at least I could wish on them as they fell...  :D  

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