Another Writing Exercise Story

I wrote a short story during my new creative writing class for an exercise.  It's...  strange.  Not something I would typically write.  But it turned out better than I anticipated.  We were given a list of 6 words, and had to use 4 of them.  We were also given a situation where we were in a vehicle of some kind where we had to imagine someone's mother in the car or truck with us and what we were doing, what the vehicle looked like... etc...  Then we were given a quote (just one line,) from a story we read in class, and try to work that line into our text as well.  At the end I will tell you the four words and cite the line that was worked in.  Until then...

Happy reading.


When you think of a blur of red down the freeway, you tend to think of a sporty little car; sleek and young.  We are not that car.  We are a minivan, clunky, and awkward, same as this ride.  I'm sitting in the far back with my cousins, my mother's mother at the helm, stern faced and unforgiving as Captain Hook, but without the Disney charm.  She turns the radio dial, flipping through stations until finding her usual Christian A.M. station. Her salt and peppered hair blow in our silence that follows.  Her polyester blend elastic waistband pants complete the look.  ...Strangest pirate I've ever seen.

These rides used to be enjoyable.  A ritual part of Saturday afternoons with Grandma, right between the tuna fish sandwiches and bowling pins.  Yup.  Saturdays used to be fun.  Saturdays used to be about family.  But we had grown apart.  We had grown up.  And the adults in my family saw me differently too it seemed.  My love of psychology and rationale made the rest of them look at me like I was unstable.  As if I was going to begin spontaneously lighting things on fire.

Gram-Gram the pirate.

Me, the pyromaniac.

The backseat was making me sick, but it was better than the alternative, up front.  First mate.  That seat had passed to Tommy, the youngest of the cousins.  Still naive enough to not understand my mother's mother's racist or homophobic rants.  Or worse, maybe he does.   ...I worry about Tommy sometimes.

The bowling alley smelled of cigarettes and sweaty stale socks.  I didn't hear the argument that started between the pirate and the simple shoe rental boy but one look at his rainbow bracelet, and the missing pieces of what it was REALLY about filled themselves in.  My cousins remained quietly lined along the counter that turned the corner and lead into the bar, patiently waiting for the scene to be over.  Some of them had the sense to look ashamed.  All of them had the sense to look sympathetic to the rainbow clad young man while the pirate rolled up her eyes, and screwed up her mouth and stuck her leathery thin face into his smooth bland one.

I sighed, losing patience and tried to find the courage to take another stand against our grandmother.  But I halted a second, distracted by young Tommy's stirring.  He picked up a small book of matches from the bar and started toying with it.

I smiled.  Maybe there was some hope for the kid after all.

....................

Four words (or phrases) used:

Pyromaniac
Polyester
Tuna Fish Sandwich
Bowling Pins

Line used:
"(She) rolled up her eyes, and screwed up her mouth and stuck her leathery thin face into his smooth bland one."
(From A Good Man Is Hard to Find by Flannery O'Connor)

Looks Fade

There's a scene in one of my all time favorite shows Archer, where two characters are chatting it out walking to their place of employ, which happens to be a spy agency.  If you know anything about the show, you already know that last bit, as well as the fact that being secret agents has very little to actually do with the show.  The premise is really just a hilarious take on the idea that office life and workplace social structures are the same no matter where you go; even for spies.  So most of the dialogue is an amazingly laughable hyperbolic take on office relationships and more.  With a heavy helping of violence for flavor.  Needless to say it's a strictly "adult" demographic.  In this scene (above) the two characters (that don't even really like each other much) are talking about Pam's (the blond on the right) experiences from the night before.  Namely recapping the tale of a one night stand.  She had thought the date was going great until the guy seemed to be kicking her out before his roommates got home.

Pam: And then he was like—

Cheryl: "You're a moped."

Pam: How'd you know? ...  And what's it mean, anyway?

Cheryl: Mopeds are fun but you don't want your buddies to see you riding one.

Pam: Oh... I thought he meant I was fuel efficient. Only had ten beers.

Cheryl: Forties?

Pam: No... .... ....  yes. Hence the shandy!

If you watch the show often enough you will know that Pam, despite constant running jokes about her physical less-than-attractiveness, the real punch line is in the fact that she actually gets more action than ANY other character on the show.  But that is really beside the point.

In recent days, I have been made to feel this way (like a moped) by someone.  Like I was something to be ashamed of being seen with.  Whether those were my own insecurities surfacing or not, I can't really give a solid answer.  But if I had to guess...  I would have to say, not likely.  I've never felt that way with anyone before, and I've learned to trust my initial instincts on such things.  And I'm sorry, I may have a little extra padding here and there, but I don't feel I'm unattractive by any means.  I really can't say what it was, specifically about this person that made me feel this way...  maybe it was every time he had the choice of sitting near me or someone else while in public he would choose someone else.  Or maybe the way he acted completely different in private to me than he did in public in general.  Whatever the reason, it was a deal breaker, as it should be.  Because, I'm sorry to say, if you can't get over the way a person looks or be secure enough to stand up to your friends' judgments by proxy.....  You aren't worthy of that person.

I've never understood this perspective.  Yes, I do agree that attraction is important.  (But that wasn't the issue anyway.  The issue was acting as if being attracted to me was something to be kept secret or ashamed of.)  Too often I've seen situations where people seem to be rudely shocked by the concept of "looks fade."  So where I do agree that attraction is important, there is more to base attraction off of than simply the superficial.  Being Sapio-sexual (I'm attracted to intelligence first and foremost,) I can tell you there is a vast world beyond how flat your belly is, or muscular your arms are.

Now, I've been on the receiving end of some pretty harsh criticisms for dating a person of "lesser-attraction" myself.  And maybe that's why it bugs me so.  I'm the type of person to stand up for the one I'm with.  And I can honestly say that everyone that has ever criticized what a person I'm with looks like on the outside, I am no longer friends with now.  Anyone that has ever uttered the phrase "what does she see in him," because a guy was a little too short, or fat, or furry, by their superficial standards, was shown the door.  I have no room in my life for such judgmental people.  Nor will I allow myself to be judged for not following the crowd and refusing to be so superficial myself.

I know this is really pointless blabbering at this point.  But still, I have to vent.  I would love to see people get over it.  And this is just my simple plea to the masses, as if you've never heard it before, to please stop this behavior.  Don't criticize who a friend or family member is dating,  And don't be ashamed to be seen with someone thinking others are going to criticize.  And if by some horrible chance, you DO run into such criticisms for dating someone yourself....  PLEASE for the love of the gods, stand up for your partner and yourself by proxy.  Stick to your choices.  Show the world a little backbone.  Or move along so someone else can have the prize you're clearly taking for granted.

Full Circle Year

It's just a little into the new year and it only seems fitting that I write something.  Because looking back at last year?  I realized I haven't really jotted much down for 2012 and my writing has suffered from lack of exercise.  Time to get back in shape.

So, I'm going to open this post by sharing a something I mocked up during a writer's gathering the other night.  A gathering I'm hoping to hold many more times in the coming months.  The writing exercise we utilized was to pull three words, at random, from a box.  (We used Apples to Apples game cards for ease.)  You set a timer for say 10 minutes, and write something using all three words.  In this particular example the words drawn were "Stun Guns," "Disco," and "Television."  (*Warning, constructed in form of a really bad poem with no title.) :

Television holds so little attention

Time has slipped beyond its worthy mention
The glow that once held us all has faded
Much like disco's legacy left bitter-jaded

Self-fulfilling prophecy airing Logan's Run
Jaws drop like Trekkies with guns set to stun
Such inspiration and ideas doth pass
Replaced by reality and Jack Ass

It once foretold technological advances
Now it merely shows Stars at Dances
This display lost amidst the static
Leaves one pondering the tragic

Stupidity grows as does my tension
Television is dead, yet airs no mention.

It's a far cry from Shakespeare, but damn fun to write, allowing you to break free of over-thinking and be surprised with the outcome. But enough of that.  I want to move on and talk a little about the new year, and what I've learned in the last.  Because, after all, this surreal year, has really found its odd niche for coming full circle.


Looking Back, while Moving Forward.

It was a LONG year.  Friends lost, friends gained, friends lost again...  Single, almost not single, DEFINITELY single...  Acting job, no job, 3 jobs, including writing and illustrating jobs, one job, two jobs....  For feeling so little has happened, A LOT has.  So here's the interesting bit.  The full circle quandary.

Part of my approach to life is a philosophy that it's important to know what you want.  The ancient Greek commandment to, "Gnōthi seauton."  Or "Know thyself."  I think the reason so many are afraid to know what it is that they want out of life is because that means if they don't get it they think they have to be upset or disappointed.  And that may or may not be true at times.  I suppose that depends on your personal ambitions.  I think you can do both.  Know what you want, but still be perfectly happy with winning the consolation prize.  So long as playing the game was enjoyable in the meantime.  What I cannot abide by is not even trying.  Especially when the game is already rigged in your favor.  If you've been given a leg up over the other contestants?  Why the hell would you just walk out on your turn?  I admit I get upset with people that give up before even really trying.  Even more so when it leaves friends of mine in the lurch.  Say, like when two people have feelings for each other, but one is too timid to give it a chance, breaking the other's heart.  I get protective of my friends, and hate seeing wasted chances even for strangers.  But enough said for observations and others.

As for me, my dilemma has never been the lack of courage to go for what I want.  In the past I've rearranged the entirety of my life for mere whimsy.  I've moved mountains for love.  I've drained oceans for career goals.  And I've lassoed the moon for family.  And sure, I've been left in the lurch more often than having had my efforts rewarded, but I've also bounced back time and time again.  Bouncing back was sometimes harder than others, but I'm certain I still have a little rubber left to spare, and will continue to spring around in future.  I'm not afraid of getting hurt.  Not anymore.  My pondering lay elsewhere.

In more recent days, it's not about having the courage to go after what I want so much as the knowing.  After failing so many times at pursuing the grand prize, you move on to the consolation prize as the focus.  As I said, you can be perfectly happy with that.  ...especially when plan B is so close within reach.  So, when an unexpected opportunity, however slim, presents itself to go for the gold again, do you take it?  Do you risk putting the contingency plan on the back burner in the meantime, knowing that by doing so, you could lose both options?  .... gnōthi seauton.  How many times do you trust, or try, or believe before you consider yourself foolish?  Or is risking the fool's reputation just one more way of proving you would move the mountain?  The last test.  It's something to consider.

I have a lot of open doors ahead on me in life now.  Sure I look back and realize a few doors have closed, locked, and the key thrown into the volcanic Mt. Doom....  But a lot of new doors are open.  And a couple of the doors behind me, are unexpectedly looking like they might still be cracked, just a little.  Just enough.  And there's one in particular that stands out.  And I'm having trouble, for the first time, choosing a direction.  It's just so damned bizarre for some of the same doors to have slammed shut at the beginning of last year, to have opened again at the end of this one.  I've heard more than a few say "maybe the timing was just wrong before."  I can't say that's the case, because if anything the timing is worse in some regards now.

But for now, I'm going to let go.  Let loose on the rudder and see where the wind takes me.  "Wind blows northerly, I go north." Not that that is such a new concept for me.  I try not to steer too restrictively as it is.  Life is going to hand you what it wants to hand you, after all.  I suppose what I find curious is that I'm not even sure which path to root for anymore.  Guess I'll find out soon enough.

In Other News.

I have applied for an internship in Japan.  This last semester I have been studying diligently away on the Japanese language.  Somehow I scored a B for the course.  It was a super difficult course I feel like I hardly deserved such a high score.  But on the other hand, I can now read and write in hirigana and katakana and know a couple hundred words, and more importantly I know how to put them into sentences, so maybe I'm just being hard on myself.  The plan is now to take this semester off from the language course, study on my own to get a little ahead of the game, go to Japan for the summer, learn some while I'm out there, and come back to kick some butt next fall.

It was a hard semester for some reason.  Maybe I lost some stamina along the way, (I blame chemistry, it drained me,) but aside for Japanese, I managed to pull off some pretty awesome grades again.  This upcoming semester is going to be twice as difficult, now that I'm working yet another job, and taking a whopping 18 credits.

I finally have the chance to catch up on my major and minor classes.  (As if there was a choice, as I've pretty much taken every elective and gen-ed class I can now.)  This upcoming semester will include two studio art classes, intro to psychology, and two writing classes.  As well as a women's studies class, which I'm less than excited about, but should be interesting material at least.  I am excited for the semester on the whole though.  I love a good challenge.  And at the end of the semester I am planning a bit of a reward for myself, road trip style.  Never been to Canada, and it's time that changed.  Especially since outside of the cost of gas (which will be shared with others) it will be relatively on the cheap.  Which is awesome, since this semester is costing me an arm and a leg.  ...and maybe a couple of toes.

I'm looking in to some scholarships and such, (beside the two jobs previously mentioned) but in the meantime I am trying something new as well.  "Gofundme.com."  A site that you can raise various dollars for various things; college, medical expenses, church trips... whatever.  It unfortunately takes a portion of the donations as a fee, so I feel hesitant to share my page to facebook where it would come off as panhandling amongst friends that I know don't really have the money either.  Putting my page out into the ether or here, where a wealthy benefactor may stumble upon it is different somehow.  So here it is:  http://www.gofundme.com/1t50ew  Now I will leave that, as well, up to fate.

So in a nutshell, this is how my year is starting.  And I'm exceedingly interested to see how it unfolds.

It's The End Of The World As We Know It. .....Again.

For somewhere around the 20th time in the past decade and a half, it's the end of the world. ....again.

Let's set the mood, shall we?





Yep.  It's that time again.  The time for panic and self fulfilling prophecy of the end of the world spawning tragic events.  And this week has had its overwhelming share of things that I'm sure plenty of people are scratching their heads, as well as their asses, thinking things are "a sign" of what's to come.

I personally decline to take a side because frankly I don't see much point.  If I were to say the world is definitely going to end, it's not as if I will have bragging rights the day after, now do I?  No.  All that does is set one up for ridicule when it doesn't.  But I'm not going to say that things are going well either.  ...To be honest, at this point, "I'm ready to kick back and welcome the end of existence." -Dogma.

But let's get down to it, shall we?  Starting with self fulfilling prophecy.

I hate to say, but I'm really feeling that people, assuming this is the "end," are using the excuse to just not give a shit anymore.  Hey, why not charge everything to the Mastercard?  World's going to end anyway.  Might as well get that big screen TV I've been wanting and hey, why not get that new sports car as well...  Okay.  I'm a fan of people living in the moment and doing what's going to make them happy.  Not a fan of financial irresponsibility.  But there are worse things you can do.  Like, say...  commit horrendous crimes.  I'm not saying that this had anything to do with the horrible tragedy that occurred a few days ago in one of our nation's elementary school's.  I'm just saying that similar situation are the kind of self fulfilling prophecy bullshit that CAN happen.  If one believes it is the end of the world and starts acting like a monster, the rest of the world begins to believe it is the end of the world because monsters in it are one of the "signs" and the cycle continues.  Things just keep getting worse and worse because... well, if we're all sentenced to death anyway, what's the difference, right?  Wrong.  Back away from the grape Kool-Aid!  You don't have to drink it just because you think you'll die anyway.  Where's the logic in....  you know what...  never mind.  If you want to chlorinate your personal gene pool a little, really who am I to stop you?  Ya done Darwin proud.





Why the World Didn't End Yesterday (Next Week.)...
I'm especially enjoying this video NASA presented ...um.  ...last week?  In response to what ...um... happen-ed NEXT week?  ...As an English major the past tense future tense here is making my head spin.  I'm just going to assume NASA has a time machine and got a little lost somewhere along the way.  Google maps must not have an app for that yet.



Oh NASA....  If you want to make a video about why the world didn't end yesterday, be confident enough in your statement to not release the video until the day after people are expecting the world to end.  It kind of sends the wrong message.  This video was released 10 days premature.  Also, the bit where you claim that if an asteroid or some such thing were on a path toward us we would see it coming?  ....Not such a reassuring statement considering the same day you released this video we learn that a previously UNKNOWN asteroid passed within the our moon's orbit.  (Which we did not see coming as the earth cast a shadow on it.)




Now there are conflicting reports on this if you go off and do further research.  The confusion is over the reported size of the asteroid, some claiming it was about the size of a bus, while other say it is over two miles in diameter (about twice the size of the one thought responsible for the death of the dinosaurs.)  Here's where the confusion is.  They are two separate asteroids.  The larger of the two, we did in fact know about and are not expected to be in risk of impact for another 600 years.  (By then we will have developed a pill for that, right?)  The smaller, while we didn't know about it, and I'm certain more research is needed before any legitimate estimations can be made, It is not world wide catastrophic.  It would certainly be a tragedy, to impact with it, but it is not in the classification some would refer to as "global killer."  ...so...  ya know.  There's some comfort.

In the end, I suppose the best advice I can give everyone is "relax."  Take a deep breath of that polluted air we've all come to love so dearly, and let go of some of this stress.  As someone who has studied this stuff at GREAT length I can assure you that the Mayans did not predict the end of the world.  Only a mathematical recycling of their calendar.  Yes it is supposed to be mated with spiritual aspects, but maybe it's high time for that after all.  With a little hope and patience and love, maybe we can get past all this tragic nonsense and self fulfilling prophetic horror.  Maybe we can work together to usher in a new age with this calendar, where we finally come together to love each other.  I know it's a long shot, but it's just another one of those prophecies we can throw out there, in hopes of self fulfillment.

In the meantime, have a Happy Solstice everyone.

Fashion Industry is a Brilliant Lie.

I love when conversations spawn odd silly thoughts that you can't help but continuously ponder for days on end.  The most recent of conversations to inspire this was about clothing.  More than that, the evils of clothing.  No, I'm not going to tell tale of a rogue argyle sweater that roves the countryside on a blood thirsty killing spree.  ...Though I'm tempted.  I've heard worse plot starters.  But no.  I'm talking about the superficial judgments they inspire.

The Amish, after all, make a point of wearing very plain uniform clothing to avoid that whole "Pride" problem.  Everyone is equal.  And isn't that often the point of school uniforms as well?  And what about in the workplace?  The peons all get one uniform, and usually management is encouraged to dress differently and "nicer," until you reach the head of the corporation who is presenting in full Armani.  Yup.  Clothing is by nature designed to give status as well as sex appeal.  The more successful you are, the better dressed and more sex appeal you are expected to have.


Where we're going, we don't need clothes.

In one of the few discussions I was having this week, the idea of a world without clothes was proposed.  A world where everyone is equal and you can't tell a millionaire from a peasant by sight alone.  A world where men have to take responsibility for their own actions rather than blaming rape on a woman "asking for it" because of what she was wearing.  Or a world wear people aren't shot just because they are wearing baggy pants or a hoodie.  Now, I know this is not always going to be the case.  And yes, there is the issue of people feeling bullied for their natural physical form, and I can COMPLETELY understand that.  (Despite the fact that I feel ALL natural forms are beautiful, whether fat or thin, lanky or squat.)  I'd like to be able to say that maybe having everyone on a more equal ground would help us get away from judging others.  But I'm sure that isn't true, as another more different conversation I had this week revolved around People of Walmart .com and ripping people unfortunate enough to be posted to the sight a new one.  But before I get off track...

So, what I find ironic about the fashion industry, is the higher end fashions, are designed in a way that can make you SO attracted to the individual wearing the fashion that you pretty much want to see them naked.  ...I'll restate that.  We wear high fashion clothes, so that people will want to see us naked.  Maybe its just me, but I feel we could skip a step or two and a lot of time and money in that by just cutting to the chase.  ;)

HUGZ

Today while walking to my Chemistry Lecture class, I had to walk past a small group of people hanging out in a spot that seems both popular and oddly inconvenient....  As I was passing, one of the individuals looked up, angled toward me, stretched out his arms, and asked me if he could have a hug.

"A hug?"  I repeated back shrugging.  "Sure!"

We hugged very briefly, and I was on my way.





This is what I would like to discuss from this experience:

My initial reaction to this was to think how things like this don't really happen that often.  I was sad for how our society has de-evolved.  How people live their lives so closed off, and distrusting.  I mean, how awesome are hugs?  This individual totally brightened my day.  How awful a concept it is that people are guarded against a gesture as simple as a hug, or how much courage it would even take to offer a complete stranger a hug.

But the more I reflected on this...  I had to change my mind.  Why?  Because there was one little fact that I have yet to mention.  Something that is, in present day, otherwise nearly insignificant.  (And with hope someday will be completely insignificant.)  The man that asked for /offered this hug, is African American.

So, I have to revise my original statement on our society disintegrating.  Because as rare as a stranger giving another stranger a random hug may be today, a short 60 years ago, two complete strangers, a black man and white woman, randomly hugging in a crowded public place, would have been next to unfathomable.

Maybe it's a glass half empty/full thing, but I have to acknowledge the vast improvement on this one point at least.  We may have a long way to go.  We may be backsliding on other aspects.  But how amazingly awesome is it that our society has come so far on righting at least this one aspect?

RESET

The last you heard from me was with promises still of elaborating on something that had upset me last spring.  Well, I've decided that isn't going to happen.  Not now anyway.  I'm sure the person that upset me will cross my path again someday, and I'm sure I'll be tempted to explain it all again then.  But for now all I would have to say to this person is this:

I haven't even engaged in conversation with you in well over a year without the exception of you speaking to me first, so telling people I'm stalking you is absurd and a little creepy at this point. You are beneath me.  Stop dragging me into your drama.  Get over yourself.

Enough said.  (For now at very least.)

My life has actually significantly changed in the last year.  But I'm trying to think of a year that I've been able to look back and not say that.  It's funny how things never seem to alter too much from day to day, but will be significantly different by the end of the week.  (Then again, I have had some whoppers of sudden change in a single day as well.)  But where I am right now is in the second year of college and taking things relatively easy.  Not pushing myself to do too much like I always used to, but keeping busy all the same.  I've started some new courses, and I'm enjoying everything but English it would seem.  (Irony not lost on me.)  I've started writing for the Royal Purple, the school paper.  I'm learning Japanese and it would seem I'm not horrible at it.  I'm still working And my social life is getting a bit more back on track.  In fact...  I may or may not have met someone...  (Don't want to get ahead of myself there.)

I suppose this is where the most significant change has occurred for me.  The social life in general, not the meeting someone.  Because as you all know, I'm REALLY not wanting to or looking to have anyone in my life in a romantic capacity.  I just don't see it working out with the whole college and career track thing.  Time is a precious commodity and not something I have to spend on romantic partners....  damn it, I'm getting ahead of myself again.  It's the social life in general that I was talking about here. Right...

So, at the beginning of this year I briefly had enough curiosity to visit the Non-Trad Pad.  A small corner of the University Center for the Adult students to call home and connect.  The first day I went was interesting.  Nothing special, but interesting enough to inspire a second visit.  The second day...  was nothing. A complete let down actually.  Only one other person was there, and we didn't mesh on any level.  Nothing against the person particularly, he's actually very kind and gentle.  It's just sometimes you just find little things like tone of voice or habits grating at times.  I'm confident that others have felt the same about me as well.  We all have our pet peeves.

I left that day thinking I wasn't going to be trying that out very often anymore.  But on my way out I was stopped by another non-trad woman I had never met before who informed me they were having a meeting that night that I should attend.  Reluctantly I agreed, thinking it might be worth a listen to what other adult activities were coming up.  Imagine my surprise when I arrived at the meeting to find it was not to give information about the upcoming events, but to plan them.  I'm suddenly making flyers and doing more hands on work with the group, and finding myself in the Non-Trad Pad every school day.  Brilliant.

But since then I have had people to go bowling with, to corn mazes with (if it hadn't been cancelled for rain.) and this weekend I will be walking in the homecoming parade with the group as well.  And yesterday I even had a new friend over for video games and movies.  Yay for social life again.

I'm sure I'll have more to say soon, but I had to catch everyone up to speed before further posts.  And by "all" I mean the three people that maybe actually be reading this.  This is kind of my way of hitting the reset button on my blog.  I've decided to take a new approach to my posts to encourage posting more frequently.  And with a little less...  um...  I don't know...  whining?

Forewarning, the posts to come may seem a bit more on the disjointed side.  What I'm intending is to use this space almost as a format like that of the Facebook status update, between the more detailed postings.  Slightly longer that status updates... but random passing thoughts in general.  And on that note, I will end this post with just such a thing as example proper:

Hugging Etiquette?

There is a certain unspoken set of rules for just about everything.  Including hugs goodbye.  Is it just me or would you agree with my following thoughts here?

If it is close family a hug is a hug, doesn't matter how long or short.
If it is a romantic partner, there is a certain expected time minimum to meet.  If the hug is too short, it feels like something is amiss.
If it is a platonic relationship, there is a time maximum and hugging too long can make it seem like something more and can start to lean towards the definition of an "embrace."
Which then would have to be remedied by introducing the "friend tap"--a quick double pat on the back cuing the end of the hug--placing the hug back into a category of between friends and something more.