I write this in the midst of a major pandemic, otherwise known as the Covid 19 outbreak. ..God I hope "which" pandemic doesn't need to be clarified someday. Anyway, while life is rebounding and getting on its merry way in other countries, the United States (and a few others) have just completely botched it. And now, people are turning on each other. And yes, I suppose I'm one of them. Because I've been sitting here saying certain things aren't worth the risk of your loved ones' health and well being, and you're an idiot if you think those things are. ...Call me a monster if you like.
Basically, this comes after a post I made to social media yesterday where I basically said, if the only reason you're sending your kids back to school right now is because you need a break from your kids, you're a bad parent. And yes, I firmly stand by that. Risking your child's and everyone in contact with your child's life, is not worth you having a glass of wine at three in the afternoon. If you have so little control over your children that you cannot set boundaries to have a moment of free time, you are bad at managing your children.
Sorry, not sorry.
"But... But.... You don't have any children, where do you get off???"
You're right. So excuse me. Apparently this is my stop.
I don't talk about my past in much detail. Especially with new people in my life, because... Well. It's dark, and awkward, and after the years rolled on I found it was better to have people only know the superficial surface facts about me. Rather than get into the gory guts of my childhood.
My mother, wasn't much of a mother. I wasn't a great substitution either, but hey, I did my best for not having much of a roll model to mimic. I remember the first time I was left alone with my baby brothers for an extended and unexpected period of time, and just didn't know WHAT the hell to do. I had just turned 12, was in the early months 7th grade. They were 3 and 2. Hours went by, the sun had set. Cell phones weren't a thing. Dinner time had come and gone. I was hungry. They were cranky with hunger... I could barely cook. I eventually improvised making some mac and cheese with a chunk of cheese I found in the fridge, shaking at the stove worried I was going to screw it up and poison us, or burn myself, or something would happen to the baby while I was away from them cooking... But I did it, ate, and both of the toddlers seemed fine by time our parents came home. Little did I know this was just the beginning.
By 8th grade, I was so exhausted. My mom left me in charge of my brothers more often than I could possibly say. I would watch them, most days after school, clean up their toys/room, and then about once or twice a week, I would go next door to the neighbors to watch THEIR kids after my brothers got ready for bed. Usually ON A SCHOOL NIGHT. And usually from about 8 or 9 pm until 1 or 2 in the morning... No time for homework.
And somehow, by the end of the week, my mother would always claim to be broke and need money to get dinner. So the twenty dollars I earned went to her, but instead of buying sensible things like chicken, eggs, and rice... she blew it on McDonald's Happy Meals for my brothers, because she didn't want to cook. Sometimes she would pay me back. Sometimes she would lecture me about how it was my responsibility to "contribute" to the household. ...Again, I was 13...
This lasted until 14, when on Christmas Eve, our parents left us alone to go get our traditional Chinese food dinner from our favorite place about 45 minutes away. It was mac and cheese night all over again... Except... They never made it home this time. I was alone. Watching the clock tic well past dinner time. Until I got a phone call that there had been an accident. A bad accident. And I left my brothers playing downstairs, and allowed myself to cry for five minutes. Not for my parents, but out of panic, and terror. I didn't know the first thing about where "Santa" had the presents for my brothers. I had nothing to feed them other than some breakfast sausage and pancake sticks. I didn't know how I was supposed to do everything my mother always left until the last minute. But I pulled myself together, fed them, let them each open the Hot Wheels cars I got them for Christmas, and put them to bed. Reinforcements AKA Grandma, didn't get there until 2 am, when she insisted I go to bed and let her handle the rest.
If you thought my burdens BEFORE the accident were bad... You can only imagine what came after. High school was a joke. More and more money was funneled to my family to keep us "afloat" and the only me time I got??? I would lie to my parents about having to stay late at school, and just sit for an hour on the front lawn, enjoying the quiet, and doing homework before going home to take care of things.
At night, I was the one my brothers would come to when they had bad dreams. The one to clean up wet beds, after I would hear my mother raging about the mess, and the little one's crying in response to her raging.
Being a parent wasn't something I wanted to do. Putting food on the table wasn't supposed to be my responsibility. Soothing away nightmares, and keeping kids entertained, bathed, and safe, wasn't something I was prepared for. And yes, I WAS BAD AT IT AT TIMES. Even great parents make mistakes, let alone 15 or 16 year old big sisters... But I was, a provider, a protector, a nurturer, and sacrificed A LOT of my own childhood to be so. In the end, no one can say I wasn't a "parent."
WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH THE PANDEMIC AGAIN???
In light of the pandemic, I am being a bit vocal about NOT sending kids to school. And people are coming down on me hard for it. Especially for "not being a parent" to which I would say, "read the above paragraph again." But really that's fine. People can have their opinion of me just as I can have an opinion of them. I should add here though, that I was also a teacher once. And know what you are getting your kids into. I am vocal because I am trying to protect you and your families.
Think of all the pencils you send your kid to school with, that "go missing" and you have to write names on, and are STILL never recovered. All of the mittens you sew into jacket sleeves but still get "misplaced." You don't think that kids are going to accidentally "lose" or "trade" masks? You don't think some little boys and girls won't forget to wash hands for a full 20 seconds each after using the bathroom? You don't think bullies will suddenly stop pushing kids, or knocking books out of hands, or spitting on others, because it violates social distancing? You don't think after seeing how dumb full grown adults have been about wearing masks and social distancing, that kids are going to be completely obedient?
I KNOW there are challenges to teaching and learning virtually. I KNOW it isn't great for a lot of parents and students with things like having to work, or having learning disabilities. I KNOW there are consequences where some students may even have to stay behind a year, and miss graduating with friends. But I also know that social distancing will mean more of those friends will be ALIVE to graduate. More of those friends WON'T lose parents, or have parents severely debilitated due to illness, making life a living hell. Believe me, as someone who lived through my parents being TERRIBLY ill after their accident and having to pick up all of the slack, I wouldn't wish that on ANY child.
Life unfortunately isn't fair. I can attest to that. Yes it sucks. Yes it is okay to be angry about this. But don't get angry with me for contributing my input, experiences, and lessons learned in life about how poorly some of you are handling this. IT IS NOT SAFE TO REOPEN SCHOOL BUILDINGS. And all of the experts are saying the same thing! And it is easier to problem solve the obstacles of virtual learning than it is to solve the problem of huge spikes as a result of the further pandemic spread.
PROBLEM SOLVING THE BIG OBSTACLES OR REASONS AGAINST ONLINE SCHOOLING
1.
I'm not a teacher.
No one is asking you to teach. Parents are only being asked to enforce that kids are logging in, watching the videos, and completing the assignments. If you child doesn't understand an assignment, they should be helped in writing a two sentence email to their teacher asking for more help, or saying why they don't understand.
2.
I have to work, can't be home with the kids and don't have family to take care of them.
I'm upset about this too. The government should have stepped up WAY more than it should have for those who "need" to work just to provide for families. But some are essential workers like grocery clerks, and so forth and would have to work anyway.
Propose to your school board that a "student care exchange" sign up sheet is set up. You put down your availability to take a "partner" home on, and are matched. For example, House A can care for kids Monday and Thursdays. House B can care for kids Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays. And yes, if one household is infected, the other will have to isolate, but at least households C D E and F and the teacher weren't exposed like they would have been in the classroom.
Those who wish to participate should also sign a promise to follow CDC guidelines on social distancing, masks, and hygiene and take other precautions.
3.
Part of school is about socialization.
First off. Socialization is hard, when social distancing is imperative. The faster we get the pandemic under control the faster your child can return to socializing. But until then, also see the solution for number 2.
I agree that socialization is an important part of development. Particularly problem solving social interactions. So be prepared to work things through with your kids if there is a conflict with the other household. Be a good parent and set an example of proper socializing if people don't like each other, or the kids get in a fight. Don't talk poorly of the other household EVER. And help your child find ways to get along with the other children. Again, Life isn't FAIR. You may get paired with people who you don't like right away. But guess what? Car accidents aren't fair. Pandemics aren't fair. Cancer isn't fair. But we can separate out the difference between inconvenience or discomfort and total tragedy. Ask the school to help with this as well if there is conflict. Not to reassign, but to work out differences.
4.
Special Need Students.
Yep. I get it. I was a Special Needs Tutor, Aide, and focused on spec ed classes as a substitute teacher. Some NEED in person instruction.
For this, I recommend school buildings ARE open. I KNOW! RIGHT??? But, with the majority of students learning at home, we have thinned out the stress on the schools resources and we could have shortened days or weeks, depending on the needs.and classes.
The thing I know ALL special needs children require is consistency. Stress of change is a HUGE factor in learning for these children. And I'm sorry to say, if we open schools for a month or two, see huge spikes resulting in having to immediately shut down again, not only will it be stressful for the teachers and administrations, it will be catastrophic for these students who JUST got used to a new routine again. When I say school buildings should not be open, I AM thinking of these students.
5.
Uneven access to virtual learning.
Schools did a great job last year getting things in place for virtual learning. Yes, it's hard, but that can be expanded upon now. I know a number of "inner city" as well as "rural" teachers who told me some of their steps in getting computers to students to borrow. Even food to students who are on lunch programs. Schools are prepared for this contingency. And can now EXPAND on it now that we know where problems and complications are.
Some areas are using buses equipped with WIFI to bring internet access to those in need. Brilliant. Even if the local municipalities ask for funding to rent Charter buses for this, there is a solution. But really, maybe be upset with the government for not funding access to an essential utility for modern life, instead of school building for not being open to protect you? Just a suggestion.
6.
Unsafe Homes.
This one breaks my heart. And there is no solution I can give that will not ruffle some feathers or cause more issues. I'd like to say, if a home isn't safe enough to exist in during the length of a school day... It isn't safe enough to exist in at all...
This one, stumps me. And I hope someone will comment on this post with solutions I haven't thought of. Because clearly, number 2 won't cut it unless some angles out there would be willing to sign up to take on extra kids for the full week.
I end with number 6 because I want it end with the humble admission that I don't have all the answers. NO ONE DOES. What's important is that we work together to find them instead of just thrusting our children onto teachers saying, "figure it out." The government should be stepping up to help, and so should we all. If you have any suggestion, or have another obstacle to distance learning that you aren't sure how to conquer, please comment below. We can do this together. We don't have to see children bring Covid home to their parents. We don't have to see teachers get sick and die leaving schools shut down completely. We can use the education, common sense, and skills we learned when WE were in school to be smarter than a microscopic adversary.
Special Need Students.
Yep. I get it. I was a Special Needs Tutor, Aide, and focused on spec ed classes as a substitute teacher. Some NEED in person instruction.
For this, I recommend school buildings ARE open. I KNOW! RIGHT??? But, with the majority of students learning at home, we have thinned out the stress on the schools resources and we could have shortened days or weeks, depending on the needs.and classes.
The thing I know ALL special needs children require is consistency. Stress of change is a HUGE factor in learning for these children. And I'm sorry to say, if we open schools for a month or two, see huge spikes resulting in having to immediately shut down again, not only will it be stressful for the teachers and administrations, it will be catastrophic for these students who JUST got used to a new routine again. When I say school buildings should not be open, I AM thinking of these students.
5.
Uneven access to virtual learning.
Schools did a great job last year getting things in place for virtual learning. Yes, it's hard, but that can be expanded upon now. I know a number of "inner city" as well as "rural" teachers who told me some of their steps in getting computers to students to borrow. Even food to students who are on lunch programs. Schools are prepared for this contingency. And can now EXPAND on it now that we know where problems and complications are.
Some areas are using buses equipped with WIFI to bring internet access to those in need. Brilliant. Even if the local municipalities ask for funding to rent Charter buses for this, there is a solution. But really, maybe be upset with the government for not funding access to an essential utility for modern life, instead of school building for not being open to protect you? Just a suggestion.
6.
Unsafe Homes.
This one breaks my heart. And there is no solution I can give that will not ruffle some feathers or cause more issues. I'd like to say, if a home isn't safe enough to exist in during the length of a school day... It isn't safe enough to exist in at all...
This one, stumps me. And I hope someone will comment on this post with solutions I haven't thought of. Because clearly, number 2 won't cut it unless some angles out there would be willing to sign up to take on extra kids for the full week.
I end with number 6 because I want it end with the humble admission that I don't have all the answers. NO ONE DOES. What's important is that we work together to find them instead of just thrusting our children onto teachers saying, "figure it out." The government should be stepping up to help, and so should we all. If you have any suggestion, or have another obstacle to distance learning that you aren't sure how to conquer, please comment below. We can do this together. We don't have to see children bring Covid home to their parents. We don't have to see teachers get sick and die leaving schools shut down completely. We can use the education, common sense, and skills we learned when WE were in school to be smarter than a microscopic adversary.
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