I Don't Sleep Anymore

I don’t sleep anymore.

Sure, I may lie in my bed for 8 hours or more with my eyes shut, but it isn’t sleep.  Not really.  I’ve been having nightmares.  The kind that you can’t remember.  The kind that are actually just regular dreams but you wake from them thinking something horrible was about to happen, and you just don’t know what.  You got out of there before it did.

Actually, I do remember a couple of bits and pieces here and there.  A dream about a former employer thinking I was awful at my job.  A dream about being on a date with some attractive stranger and just plain wanting to wake up before anything good or bad happened.  A dream about getting really fat until my knees were sagging upwards.  (Don’t ask.)  But remembering three snippets of dreams when I know I've been having at least 5 unique dreams each night is hardly a good track record.

It’s been like this for the last month or so.  I stare at my computer, usually until 3 or 4 in the morning either writing or doing work on illustrations…  Taking occasional breaks for Castelville…  I go to bed, and the next 6-8 hours of sleep happen in chunks of half hour dosages.  I assure you it’s driving me out of my pretty little mind.  Particularly when the rest of the diurnal world wakes and has no awareness that my apartment sucks in every little sound like some audio vacuum.  Granted I have been saved from a couple of dreams by this and should be thankful, but I’m not.  I used to be able to sleep through a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.  But I guess due to the stress of the last couple of weeks and the nightmares I’ve been having as a result, I’ve become quite the light sleeper.

I’ve been bottling a few things lately, and I think it’s coming close to that time of the great purge.  I’ll have to work on those posts I’ve been meaning to very soon here.  Just not tonight.  Tonight, I’m going to NEED my rest.  I have to be at the art studio by 11, and from there I have to go to my mother’s for a “project” she has for me.

She’s been asking for a while and I’ve been putting it off.  But today’s phone call she added a little extra incentive as she let it slip that she discovered a couple of savings bonds (a few months back) of mine.  Yup.  The same savings bonds I asked my mother to relinquish to me near a decade ago and she insisted they were non-existent/already cashed.  …I’d say that it’s better late than never, but I’m not getting hopes up.  I’m willing to bet that they will have mysteriously disappeared again by time I get there tomorrow afternoon.

It’s okay.  I have other things to look forward to tomorrow.  After my mother’s I will be heading off to see musical in Burlington and have dinner with a friend of mine whom I haven’t seen in person in a good 5 years.  She and I met doing theater and are going to support other friends in this production.  This is the second play I will be going to this week actually as I saw, I Love You You’re Perfect Now Change, last night.  Very cute show by the way.

Anyhow.  Here’s wishing you all sweet dreams, and hoping you get more rest than I have been lately.  I'm hopeful now that we have some rain falling tonight that I will rest a bit easier.  G‘night all.