A New Site, a New Life?

Some of you who know likely already know that I am trying my hand at something new. A website dedicated to weddings that are affordable as well as amazing,
FrugallyYours.org

It's no secret that life hasn't been easy for me, financially speaking or otherwise. That's nothing to be ashamed about. I've worked hard all my life. So hard in fact that I've kinda destroyed myself in the process of working 2-3 jobs at a time to make ends meet throughout my 20's. Then put myself through college, and here I am, still pretty broke. And while I won't say that's okay, I can recognize most of the country is in the same boat.

Honestly, my last job fiasco was a bit more than a let down. I know I haven't said much about what happened, and there are reasons for that. But I'll summarize it as this, until I find the strength to explain in more detail. The women I was working with were nothing buy big bullies. One of whom actively tried to get me fired, and the child I was aiding kicked out of the school. When I realized the attitudes towards me were affecting the child, in all good conscience I had to remove myself from the equation. And time to take my financial future into my own hands and start my own business.

As I said, this is not the first time I've struggled. I've had more curves thrown at me than a catcher's mitt. But that means, out of necessity, I've had to learn how to do just about everything you can name for a bargain. Not only do I shop wisely, I make my own decorations for my home, can sew and repair clothes, how to cut and dye my own hair, how to fix my own car, and even how to throw an amazing party or travel for pennies on the dollar (we all need a break, after all.) It takes a lot of hard work to be this poor.

Honestly, I have an budget friendly alternative for just about everything you can imagine. And all of this knowledge I have rattling around in my brain has come to prove itself useful. VERY useful.

Why did I pick weddings for my website?

1. Because I love a good party and have a lot of knowledge on how to throw a really great one.
2. Because in the state things are, we need a little happiness in the world and love is the best happiness to be had. We shouldn't lose these celebrations due to not being able to afford them.
3. Because the wedding industry has gotten crazy out of control, and people are sacrificing financial futures to have one little party. (I don't want happy couples stressed over finances to the point of divorce.)
4. Because it would give me the room to cover so many topics that cross over into other arenas, from finding affordable renaissance fair outfits, to vacation tips.

So, check it out if you have the time. I guarantee you'll find something useful on it, in one category or another. Even if just for trivia night, as there are a lot of strange little facts I make sure to include. For example, who can officiate weddings in what states (some allow you to marry yourself to another person.) Or the fact that you can sue a wedding venue if a drunk driver hits you after leaving the reception, in some areas. Who knew?

Photogenic Problematic

I came across a post today on facebook about photographic consent and have some things to add to to it. The post was regarding this photo and message from Alok Vaid-Menon:

"This was a photo of me taken without my consent an hour ago.

I have people take photos of me every day but i never know where they end up. one of my supportive followers sent this to me & it’s the first time i have seen one of these. (this photo has since been reposted to @subwaycreatures story also without my consent).
It’s so surreal & scary to see this — it reminds me that i am constantly being watched, rendered into a spectacle for other people’s enjoyment & entertainment. people don’t ask me for consent because they read my gender non-conformity as already consenting to public consumption. the presumption here is because we have already seemingly transgressed normalcy/respectability, we do not have boundaries and are incapable of being violated.
This leaves gender non-conforming people like me disproportionately targeted for physical & sexual violence. when we say “i have been violated” we are victim blamed — told that we shouldn’t have “dressed up,” that we should expect this treatment for looking as we do.
I am here to tell you that no one — regardless of what they look like — should have their photo taken & shared without their consent. it is unacceptable & misogynist.
After this photo was snapped a white cis person told me that she liked “my costume.” when i boarded my train i had to go to a different car because i was being harassed by white cis people who wouldn’t leave me alone. i sat next to a white cis guy who got up and left the moment i sat next to him. this is my daily reality.
I want you to think about what happens to people like me inbetween the snapshots you see — how we are hunted, ridiculed, & put on exhibition for cis enjoyment. how i manage to still look so good despite being harassed & stalked & shoved & spat on & knowing that few people will defend me because i am not cis or white.
It’s terrifying when your joy is constantly policed — when you are made to fear your own beauty. they could have just asked for my permission. they could have just asked.
this photo will be seared in my mind forever.

instagram.com/alokvmenon

[yes people have permission to share this image with my caption now]"

It's here that I have to add my story and views to make it clear just how important it is to listen to what this person has to say about photo consent. BTW? In Japan this was a HUGE thing, and considered an ultimate rudeness to photograph others unless it couldn't be avoided (like in a crowded park where you're photographing a statue or something.) So here is why I will say it's important, regardless of gender:
This kind of behavior is nothing more than an adult version of grade school antics. Trying to look like the cool kid through a method of trying to knock others down. Picking on someone you see inferior, weird, or outcast, to gain more attention for yourself. And this awesome person is right. It makes it feel "more okay" for those listening to such drivel, to join in and pick on the person. But be warned. It is not okay. And some of us aren't afraid to tell you so. (In no uncertain terms.)
I remember my first semester back to college. I was taking a full schedule of classes, and working, and dealing with a cancer scare awaiting biopsy results, and taking care of my mother with MS on the weekends. In other words I was very tired and losing weight. So one day I sat down in my WOTA class, and kind of slumped forward on the desk surface of my chair.
This, regrettably, created a gap between my jeans and myself exposing my underwear band. I was later informed that 3 of the college students behind me were joking and laughing about it, and snapping photos of my underwear. (2 heterosexual females and 1 homosexual male, so it wasn't sexual gratification thing. Just a catty, bitchy, lowlife, bully thing.) I don't know where those photos ended up. I don't know if they put them on instagram, or snapchat, or what. I really don't care. I know the story behind that photo, that moment in my life. They don't.
Now I hope that others can see the photo at the start of this post through the same lens I do. I see a picture of a lot of boring and possibly sad people around one person who looks really awesome and potentially fun to get to know. I see a picture of someone living their life they way they want to live it, surrounded by a bunch of people who have simply bought into every lie about success and happiness they have been sold over the years. I see this, instead of how the person who snapped the photo intended the viewer to see someone to be mocked, and doesn't belong. Just as I hope instead of someone looking at the picture of my underwear band would see someone who is tired but trying. Exhausted but still attending classes. Instead of someone just being a slob.
But I will tell you this, as something of a warning. I'm one to speak my mind. Many of us outcasts and misfits are. (Especially come adulthood.) And boy-howdy, did those 3 college kids faces go white the next day as they looked like they tried to not piss their pants when I confronted them about taking those photos. They were embarrassed, scared, and no longer found anything about the situation humorous.
Moral of the story? Don't be a dick. Don't take pictures intended to embarrass others or gain attention for yourself while doing so. And make a rule of asking permission before taking a picture or at least posting it. It really isn't that hard to walk up to someone and say, "Hey, photography is something of a hobby of mine and I just thought you looked really interesting in this shot" (show them the photo you took) "But I wanted to ask your permission. Do you mind if I post it to my site? I'll delete it if you don't want me to. No problem."
If you are two embarrassed or afraid to ask that permission, that likely means, you shouldn't be doing it in the first place. It likely means you are feeling guilt. It likely means, you're scum.