HUGZ

Today while walking to my Chemistry Lecture class, I had to walk past a small group of people hanging out in a spot that seems both popular and oddly inconvenient....  As I was passing, one of the individuals looked up, angled toward me, stretched out his arms, and asked me if he could have a hug.

"A hug?"  I repeated back shrugging.  "Sure!"

We hugged very briefly, and I was on my way.





This is what I would like to discuss from this experience:

My initial reaction to this was to think how things like this don't really happen that often.  I was sad for how our society has de-evolved.  How people live their lives so closed off, and distrusting.  I mean, how awesome are hugs?  This individual totally brightened my day.  How awful a concept it is that people are guarded against a gesture as simple as a hug, or how much courage it would even take to offer a complete stranger a hug.

But the more I reflected on this...  I had to change my mind.  Why?  Because there was one little fact that I have yet to mention.  Something that is, in present day, otherwise nearly insignificant.  (And with hope someday will be completely insignificant.)  The man that asked for /offered this hug, is African American.

So, I have to revise my original statement on our society disintegrating.  Because as rare as a stranger giving another stranger a random hug may be today, a short 60 years ago, two complete strangers, a black man and white woman, randomly hugging in a crowded public place, would have been next to unfathomable.

Maybe it's a glass half empty/full thing, but I have to acknowledge the vast improvement on this one point at least.  We may have a long way to go.  We may be backsliding on other aspects.  But how amazingly awesome is it that our society has come so far on righting at least this one aspect?

RESET

The last you heard from me was with promises still of elaborating on something that had upset me last spring.  Well, I've decided that isn't going to happen.  Not now anyway.  I'm sure the person that upset me will cross my path again someday, and I'm sure I'll be tempted to explain it all again then.  But for now all I would have to say to this person is this:

I haven't even engaged in conversation with you in well over a year without the exception of you speaking to me first, so telling people I'm stalking you is absurd and a little creepy at this point. You are beneath me.  Stop dragging me into your drama.  Get over yourself.

Enough said.  (For now at very least.)

My life has actually significantly changed in the last year.  But I'm trying to think of a year that I've been able to look back and not say that.  It's funny how things never seem to alter too much from day to day, but will be significantly different by the end of the week.  (Then again, I have had some whoppers of sudden change in a single day as well.)  But where I am right now is in the second year of college and taking things relatively easy.  Not pushing myself to do too much like I always used to, but keeping busy all the same.  I've started some new courses, and I'm enjoying everything but English it would seem.  (Irony not lost on me.)  I've started writing for the Royal Purple, the school paper.  I'm learning Japanese and it would seem I'm not horrible at it.  I'm still working And my social life is getting a bit more back on track.  In fact...  I may or may not have met someone...  (Don't want to get ahead of myself there.)

I suppose this is where the most significant change has occurred for me.  The social life in general, not the meeting someone.  Because as you all know, I'm REALLY not wanting to or looking to have anyone in my life in a romantic capacity.  I just don't see it working out with the whole college and career track thing.  Time is a precious commodity and not something I have to spend on romantic partners....  damn it, I'm getting ahead of myself again.  It's the social life in general that I was talking about here. Right...

So, at the beginning of this year I briefly had enough curiosity to visit the Non-Trad Pad.  A small corner of the University Center for the Adult students to call home and connect.  The first day I went was interesting.  Nothing special, but interesting enough to inspire a second visit.  The second day...  was nothing. A complete let down actually.  Only one other person was there, and we didn't mesh on any level.  Nothing against the person particularly, he's actually very kind and gentle.  It's just sometimes you just find little things like tone of voice or habits grating at times.  I'm confident that others have felt the same about me as well.  We all have our pet peeves.

I left that day thinking I wasn't going to be trying that out very often anymore.  But on my way out I was stopped by another non-trad woman I had never met before who informed me they were having a meeting that night that I should attend.  Reluctantly I agreed, thinking it might be worth a listen to what other adult activities were coming up.  Imagine my surprise when I arrived at the meeting to find it was not to give information about the upcoming events, but to plan them.  I'm suddenly making flyers and doing more hands on work with the group, and finding myself in the Non-Trad Pad every school day.  Brilliant.

But since then I have had people to go bowling with, to corn mazes with (if it hadn't been cancelled for rain.) and this weekend I will be walking in the homecoming parade with the group as well.  And yesterday I even had a new friend over for video games and movies.  Yay for social life again.

I'm sure I'll have more to say soon, but I had to catch everyone up to speed before further posts.  And by "all" I mean the three people that maybe actually be reading this.  This is kind of my way of hitting the reset button on my blog.  I've decided to take a new approach to my posts to encourage posting more frequently.  And with a little less...  um...  I don't know...  whining?

Forewarning, the posts to come may seem a bit more on the disjointed side.  What I'm intending is to use this space almost as a format like that of the Facebook status update, between the more detailed postings.  Slightly longer that status updates... but random passing thoughts in general.  And on that note, I will end this post with just such a thing as example proper:

Hugging Etiquette?

There is a certain unspoken set of rules for just about everything.  Including hugs goodbye.  Is it just me or would you agree with my following thoughts here?

If it is close family a hug is a hug, doesn't matter how long or short.
If it is a romantic partner, there is a certain expected time minimum to meet.  If the hug is too short, it feels like something is amiss.
If it is a platonic relationship, there is a time maximum and hugging too long can make it seem like something more and can start to lean towards the definition of an "embrace."
Which then would have to be remedied by introducing the "friend tap"--a quick double pat on the back cuing the end of the hug--placing the hug back into a category of between friends and something more.